Terminally Fabulous – Lisa Magill
Posted: Monday August 29 2016
By: Guest Blogger
I have had both joy and tears while reading this blog and I love Lisa's savvy style and no nonsense writing. But above everything else Lisa has given me a very special gift, which is to cherish my moments and not be so busy wishing them away for the next, to live in the moment more, less rush and more patience to my little boy. Something I think we all can get guilty of in this modern working life.
Terminally Fabulous – Lisa Magill
A few months ago I discovered a highly popular blog on Facebook from the very fabulous Lisa, yes I tend to be 12 months behind everyone else on finding these things! A lot of you may already be aware of Terminally Fabulous and if you are you will know how excited we are to have Lisa herself write a blog for MMB Magazine.
My name is Lisa Magill, I am a 34 year old woman who has been navigating life for the last 3 years as a terminal cancer patient. I was told that I would be lucky to have weeks to months to live and I have repeatedly defied the odds, even after being given the last rites, I managed to claw my way back. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for 14 years and I only kicked him to the kerb in June last year, you would think terminal cancer would be a wake up call, no not for me, I kept hitting snooze. Until one day I decided my life was for me to live albeit that I was dying.
I started a blog called “Terminally Fabulous” and it resonated with people, sick, not sick, carers, mums, my blog is there to educate those about cancer and my Facebook page is a hub of support for those dealing with everyday stresses that life brings, you don’t have to have terminal cancer to be part of the Terminally Fabulous community and that’s what I love about it. Click here to follow Terminally Fabulous on Facebook or search @terminallyfabulous on Facebook.
Ask most women of my age what is important to them, what they feel passionate about and I would say there’s a good chance you’ll get one of two answers; Career or Family. You have your stay at home mums, your working mums and your “I’m never going to have a kid they’d wreck everything I’ve worked for women” and I don’t believe that any of these women should be judged for their choices.
The problem is, us as women have an innate ability of always feeling guilty, no matter what choice we make. “If I have a baby and don’t go to work, I’m not providing to the household income, I’m not an active member of society, Sally next door (the CEO of a successful online shoe company) will think I’m a lazy bitch”, bla bla bla, every single one of those reasons for not being a stay at home mum come down to what someone else will think of you. I say stuff Sally and her 6 inch stiletto, being a mother is one of the hardest jobs in the world, you’re a chef, a cleaner, an economist, a carer and you’re also easing the stress on the already exploding Childcare system, in turn hopefully keeping Childcare fees at a more steady rate, I mean less demand , less expensive, No? We can get into that another day. My point being you are working longer hours than any CEO and you’re not getting paid for it, but do you want to know the best part? You are indeed providing to society, you are providing a whole new tax payer! Another human being the government can eventually leech off! Well done you, not only are you giving your child a loving and safe environment to grow up in, you’re moulding a tiny little human into another active member of society. So if you want to take 4 or 5 years off while your baby grows into a kid, I say go for it and leave the stay at home mummy guilt, in the bin with the 5th pregnancy test you did…….just to make sure.
Then we have the tug of war Mums or the working Mummy, the ones who so desperately wants to stay at home with their baby and watch all of their milestones or not, but for whatever reason, be it they need the money to pay for their little money consuming cherub or they simply can’t fathom the idea of spending morning to night with a baby and not having the outside influence of a working life, they go back to work after their maternity leave. “Will my baby forget me, If I don’t go back to work Sally next door will think I’m a lazy bitch, I need to be a productive member of society, I need to pay my share to the household income, the other mum next door will think I’m a selfish cow for leaving my newborn in Childcare”, bla bla bla. Once again the working mum is riddled with guilt and most of it is the guilt we put on ourselves about what other people will think. Who gives a flying horseman, you squeezed this little babaganoush out of your hoo haa or you had a C section, there again there’s a whole other blog right there and you have the right as that child’s mother to go back to work if you feel it would be better for both you and the baby. Babies are like little stress sponges, they soak up everybody’s energy around them and if Mum is resenting or questioning whether she would prefer to be at work than being vomited on 20 times a day, the baby will sense that and that could very well lead to resentment on both sides down the track. Whatever your decision, make it for your family, not for Sally.
Then we have the 30 something career woman who believes, her ovaries are her business and couldn’t give a shit what Sally over the fence thinks or Joanne down the road thinks, as long as she is working, making money, making memories with that money and occasionally swiping right on tinder or she may even be in a wonderfully happy marriage of 10 years, but she simply can’t imagine squeezing a sack of potatoes out of her freshly waxed hoo haa or her and her husband have simply agreed together that they don’t in fact want children. Working 30 something is constantly lambasted about settling down or when are you and Mick going to turn your home office into a nursery? Working 30 something may come across all “it’s none of your business”, but they may in fact be consumed by similar guilt trips the other two examples are overwhelmed by. “If I don’t have kids now, I may miss my “window of opportunity”, will I be able to work and raise a kid, I don’t want a kid in my life, but what will Mum think about that?” Bla bla bla, once again the what if monster crawls into your brain and nests there making more and more little what ifs? Women without a child, married or not, they are your ovaries and if you want to use them or not, that’s your choice, forget that Mum has a pile of knitted cardigans in a box in her cupboard, she can donate them to Oxfam!
These are only three examples I have chosen, I’m sure there are lots of other types of mums or non mums out there, the ones who so desperately want to be a mum and their body just won’t allow it, there are so many more, but this story would never end.
As a 34 year old woman with terminal cancer, who is in a constant menopausal state and looks healthy on the outside to others, believe me, I ask myself many of these questions on a daily basis, unfortunately or fortunately, depending which way you look at it. I wasn’t blessed with babies and that is my lot in life, but I’ll be damned if I let someone judge my worth by the fact I haven’t produced another human being, Sally and Joanne can go to the park with the kids in their stilettos, whilst I sit here and blog about them.
There’s an old saying; “You can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time”.
How about we start to please ourselves? Rather than others and leave all of those guilt complexes in the Oxfam bin along with your wham t-shirts and your adidas tear away track pants.
Stay fabulous rockstars and be who you want to be!